I mean this sort of thing. I say my prayers, I read a book of devotion, I prepare for or recieve the Sacrament. But while I do these things, there is, so to speak, a voice inside of me that urges caution. It tells me to be careful, to keep my head, not to go too far, not to burn my boats. I come into the presence of God with a great fear lest anything should happen to me within that presence which will prove too intolerably inconvenient when I have come out again into my "ordinary life". I don't want to be carried away into any resolution which I shall afterwards regret. For I know I shall be feeling quite different after breakfast; I don't want anything to happen to me at the altar which will ring up to big a bill to pay then. It would be very disagreeable, for instance, to take the duty of charity (while I am at the altar) so seriously that after breakfast I had to tear up the really stunning reply I had written to an impudent correspondent yesterday and meant to post today. It would be very tiresome to commit myself to a programme of temperance
which would cut off my after breakfast cigarette...
.
i am kind of in this place these days. scared to give everything to God because im scared of the change i know he wants to see in my life.
2 comments:
hey man. this is a theme that has been going on in my life as well. thanks for being there for me, and i'll try to do the same.
much love.
blair
i feel the same way jeremy
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